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Misplaced Grief

it’s important to remember while we grieve to not get lost in it.

it’s important to remember while we grieve to not let it rule our day.

it’s important to remember while we grieve to not misplace the grief.

placing the grief on the shelf for a little while is nothing to worry about, that’s natural coping.

placing the grief far back onto a dusty bookshelf full of misplaced emotions, on the other hand, is detrimental.

let us remember what the loss has given us – a chance of renewal, a chance to change behaviors that are not serving us, a chance to treat others how we wish we treated our lost loved one.

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My Addiction Is My Relief

I am unsure if I will live through these addictions. The addictions of life. These addictions keep me going, keep me living, keep me surviving. The happy moments I have had these past years has been manufactured by a chemical substance. How will I ever be able to experience something that instantaneous happiness that GREAT again?

What is it like waking up under no influence of a pill, an herb, or a toxin? What is it like waking up like when I was a little girl?

The little girl before trauma. The little girl who wanted her bottle, her blanket, her Baka. The little girl who was robbed of her childhood and yet forgives those who robbed it from her.

Oh, that little Kayla was such a sweet soul. She had no hate in her body. She had love. The hate came later on disguised as rage. Rage against being forced to grow up without feeling completely nurtured.

Sadly, I do not see waking up as my natural self ever again in my lifetime.